I am having a bad day again! I don't get it? One day, I am in this great mood and I say nothings going to bring me down, and then the next day I am crying like crazy and its all my fault. Everything is my fault. My dad left, I had to do something wrong? Or why else would he leave? What did ever do to him and for him to make me feel so bad now? Why am I this way? Why did I ever have to be born? Why did god have to bring me in this world? I hate this life of mine! I want to be confiedent in me and strong and happy. Why can't I feel so great like evryone else? Everybody is so happy and I can't enjoy life? If you think I'm some kind of drama queen, I'm not. These are my feelings and I have never felt so worse in my life. I really want to talk to my friends and family but something is holding me back and I am not sure what people would think about me. I think if I ever talked to someone, they would not understand me. Even my own mother. At school I try so hard to not think about this stuff and its hard to hold everything back in front of my friends.

Ugh! Back to school tomorow! I hope I have a good day! I don't have much to say again!
Love,
Lacee

OKAY! Tonight was great! We went to downtown Austin to celebrate Texas winning of the rose bowl! We went to the football feild and wacthed and screamed! It was a night to never forget! I never really thought that doing something really fun and being in a good mood would change my life! I have forgoten all about my dad and really had fun for once! I went to group at school on friday and Ms. Warton told me to have fun this weekend and take a break! She said my dad is getiing in the way of my life... really, shes right and I never have relized it! Nothing is going to get in my way and bring me down!

My mom thinks I have depression. She says I am pale, I lost weight. I think I have it to , but that scares me so much. I can't sleep, I am WAY to pale, my grades have been dropping, and I can not concentrat at all! All I know is that I need some help before it gets worse. I have ADD. ADD is when it is hard to pay attention at school. It is not the bad kind, its just very minor. I was doing some research on the web and the medican I am taking, Strattera, Says it has a warning for the feeling for suicide. I almost took a handful of those pills oneday. I really need someone to talk to because my friends won't care at all. I need a person who will love me and care about me and just help! All I ever wanted was happieness! That is all I want.

Hey Again,
I NEVER want to go back to school. I have no friends just because "I'm New". I think it is so stupid. My friend spent-the-night at my house yesterday. SHE IS STILL ASLEEP! Anyways, I wish I was dead right now. Mabey I will go to sleep and never wake up again or, I wish someone will come and stab me. I am fed up with my Fucking life!
Love,
Lacee